Senseless
by Bohemian Storm
Summary: Set during book seven; Remus seems to be the only person able to comfort Hermione when she breaks her brave face. Suggested RonHr and RS


**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to J.K. Rowling.  The lyrics belong to Tori Amos.

**Notes: **This was a challenge; to write a pairing we're interested in, but have never written before.

**Senseless**__

_By Bohemian Storm_

_Make me a day  
Make me whole again_  
  
He knows it's wrong, even as her fingers curl in his hair and she clings to him helplessly. Her head is tucked into that perfect place on his shoulder and he can feel her nervous breathing on his throat. She's trembling, her hands hot and uncertain, but he doesn't want this. He doesn't want any of it, but he knows that she needs something now. She's in love with the red haired boy sleeping only two rooms away, but he doesn't think she even knows it at this point.  
  
She's terrified. He understands. How can she not be? She was thrown into this world without asking to be taken. She never wished she was a witch, never thought she was different other than the fact that she was always more studious than her peers. She hadn't asked to be thrust into a world torn apart by a war, but she had been. And now she was here, standing bravely by their side during the day, then coming to him at night, trembling and terrified.  
  
"How many more are going to die?" she whispers against his throat.  
  
He shakes his head. "I don't know, Hermione."  
  
She shivers against him and he pulls her closer. He doesn't remember when she started coming to him at night, creeping into his room and slipping into his bed. With the blankets pulled around them he imagines that she can pretend she's living a normal life. She's so brave and so strong. The others think so, he knows. They whisper about her when she's not around and sometimes he wants to shake them and scream that she's not so brave and she's not so strong. She's scared and alone, just like everyone else.  
  
But he doesn't. He never will.   
  
"I don't feel ..." she trails off and sighs.  
  
"Feel what?"  
  
"Right," she says. "I don't feel right. Ever."  
  
"Even now?" he asks.  
  
"Not even now," she says, then turns and props herself up on one elbow. "Because of what they'd say if they knew."  
  
He just stares at her now, waiting for her to continue. She keeps so much inside, so much fear and anger. He wants her to say it. He wants to hear how broken she is because then he'll know she's not as perfect as everyone says. Even when she slips into his bed and finds his hand with hers he can feel her holding back.   
  
"And I know I shouldn't be here," she says finally, slipping back down to cuddle against him. "We both do."  
  
"I know," he murmurs.  
  
"It doesn't stop either of us, does it?"  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
"Even when we both know we're in love with other people?"  
  
"Ron?" he asks.  
  
She nods. "Sirius?"  
  
He smiles slightly. "Yes."  
  
"This is just the only place I feel safe," she says.  
  
"I know," he replies, then kisses her temple. "Go to sleep. I'm here."  
  
Soon enough her breathing becomes soft and regular, and he wonders when he should carry her back to her own room. He wonders how she knows him so well, and it maybe that's the reason he is the one she comes to. He stays awake every night, listening for footsteps that might approach his door, listening and waiting for someone to discover him with a girl in his bed.   
  
He wonders if they'd understand.   
  
He glances down at her, pushes the hair off her face and sighs. He wonders if Sirius would understand.   
  
_And I wonder  
If he's okay  
If you see him, say hi_  
  
He doesn't suppose that anyone is really normal anymore, so he hopes this isn't the wrong thing to do. He hopes that in this insane world, in the midst of this war, he's doing some good. He's helping someone heal and grieve and make sense of senseless acts. He doesn't know what else he can even do, so he'll keep allowing her to sneak into his bed and he'll keep holding her until she falls asleep and he'll keep lying to her and telling her that everything is going to be alright.  
  
But even when he kisses her goodnight he stills feels the guilt.

End  
  



End file.
